Reassurance
by lahmrh
Summary: Unable to sleep one night, Kirk goes up to the observation deck and finds himself receiving comfort from the last person he'd expect. Gen.


**Reassurance**

Kirk has only been captain for a few weeks and he's still terrified of screwing everything up. It almost seems like a joke; _him_ in charge of over four hundred people. He can't sleep, and McCoy has threatened to hypospray him if he wakes him up again, so he decides to go up to the observation deck to think.

He grips the handrail and looks out at the stars, drinking in the sight; it's one of the few things that can calm him down when things start getting too much.

He's only been there a few minutes when he hears someone enter. Looking over his shoulder, he sees Spock hovering just inside the doorway. "It's amazing, isn't it?" he says, glancing back out of the window.

Spock moves to stand next to him. "Indeed," he says softly.

As if by mutual agreement, neither of them comment on the irregularity of meeting on the observation deck in the early hours of the morning.

Kirk gives Spock a sidelong glance and finds he is looking out at the stars with an almost wistful expression. "You know," Kirk says, "you never told me why you came back."

For a moment he wonders if Spock has even heard him. It's strange, thinking that in another universe they were best friends, that he was closer to Spock than anyone else. Kirk still has trouble believing it, but the other Spock – the nice one, the one that didn't try to kill him – seemed so sincere about it. And he hasn't forgotten the way the old man looked at him when they first met. Whoever that other Jim Kirk was, it's obvious the two of them were very close.

He's startled out of his thoughts by Spock's response. "I decided that I could do more good here."

Kirk gets the feeling that that's not the full reason, but lets it go. "I'm glad." He smiles. "It wouldn't have been the same without you."

Spock's lips curve upwards very slightly. "I know."

Kirk laughs in surprise. "Was that a joke, Mister Spock? I'm impressed."

Spock looks offended, but there's definite amusement in his eyes. "Vulcans do not joke, Captain."

"Of course not," Kirk replies with a smile, and turns back to the window.

There is silence for a while as they both look at the stars. "Doesn't really seem real," Kirk says eventually. "I mean, they gave me the _Enterprise_. _Me._"His hands tighten involuntarily on the handrail as he speaks. "It's amazing and everything, but I keep thinking – what if something goes wrong? What if I screw up and get us all killed?" He doesn't know why he's blurting all this stuff out to Spock, of all people, but he needs to talk to someone, and there's no one else around, so Spock'll have to do.

Spock is silent for a moment, frowning. "If someone had told me the day we met that I would one day be serving under you, I would not have believed them," he says quietly. "When I met you, I deduced that you were undisciplined, reckless, and had no regard for rules or regulations."

"I hope you're going somewhere with this," Kirk mutters, stung.

Spock continues as if he hasn't spoken. "Now that we have had a chance to become better acquainted, I find that all of those things are true. However, I have also noted in your character several qualities essential to commanding a starship: the ability to lead, even in crisis situations; the ability to inspire loyalty; the disinclination to regard a situation as hopeless, even when all evidence points that way.

"I have also observed how much this ship and her crew mean to you, and I do not believe you would be careless enough to let any harm come to them."

When he has finished, Kirk just stares at him silently, feeling as though a weight has been lifted. "That's… thanks." If _Spock _is saying stuff like that, then it's probably true.

Spock inclines his head. "Perhaps you should get some rest, Captain, given that it is currently 0137 ship's time, and Alpha shift begins at 0800."

Kirk smiles. "What about you?"

"Vulcans do not require as much rest as humans. I will remain here for a while." Spock turns back to the window.

Kirk nods. "Okay; I guess I'll see you in the morning."

He pauses just inside the doorway and glances back at Spock. The whole situation feels a little surreal, but he leaves the room with a smile. They may not be friends yet, but he's beginning to think that they could be, one day.


End file.
